When I Lost Respect

Liberated

On August 9, 1945 the native Japanese man who carved me, was a solider in the Japanese Army. He was ordered to march into the city of Nagasaki, Japan to investigate a mushroom cloud-like explosion. On that day, between 40,000 and 75,000 people died immediately after the historic nuclear explosion. For that man in his '20s he would suffer permanent disabilities from the radiation exposure. 

In 1968 while this man was being treated in an American Military Hospital in Japan for the radiation exposure, his cousin, an American-born Japanese arrived at his shop to visit him. She and her husband were on her way home to California with her three young children, a boy and two girls. This young-looking woman wanted to buy three masks from her cousin. The woman took a very long-time to decide and finally chose three masks. Two for the girls and of course me for the boy. This is the first time I noticed that the man who carved me looked so much older than his older cousin. Due to the radiation exposure, he would not live for many more years.  

So I arrived in California in 1968 and I would hang on that wall with the two other masks. During the next 20 years I saw these kids grow up. They went off to college, got jobs, brought boyfriends, girl friends home and eventually all three got married. The woman was a hoarder and rarely threw anything away, but was usually very good at keeping the three masks clean. In 1996, the woman's husband died and after that, I would be cleaned less often. It was not an easy life as the room was not insulated and there were rodents frequently in the room. 

The woman's son was the only one to ever show up and clean the room I was in. For the next ten years, he would arrive every March, help the mom file her taxes and then clean the room I was in. In 2006, he bought a Yellow Dyson Vacuum Cleaner and used it clean the room. He even hired an exterminator who put some traps in the room. The woman thanked her son for everything he did and was so appreciative. The son would even take the time to clean me with the soft brush of the Dyson. I am sure those other masks were wondering where their future owners were. One of the daughters would arrive but she would be there to unload stuff or junk from her house and dump it in the room. I didn't like the room being more crowded, we didn't need any more stuff the rodents could chew on. 

In 2009, the police brought the woman home. She had an accident and didn't remember how to get home. Twenty-four hours later, the son and one of the daughters arrived on a plane from the East Coast. The daughter who lived nearby was a no-show. The woman could no longer live by herself so it was decided the son would take her home to the East Coast. 

For the next year, the son took over my life. He cleaned the room and started cleaning up the house. I thought all the junk was going to be removed form my room. But a year later, the son no longer arrived. I would later find out he was locked out of the house. His sisters had took over control of his mother's affairs. I missed him and I would not be cleaned again for a very long time. 

In July of 2016 I found out that the woman had passed. I figured the house would be sold so I was wondering where my new home would be. I had not been cleaned for so long. A long time had passed and then in March of 2016, one of the sisters arrived and started moving her junk out of the room. She was actually cleaning the room. I knew something was going on.

On the morning of April 30, 2016, all of a sudden the son walked in the room. It had been almost 6 years since I last saw him. He arrived with his attorney and after some back and forth, the son reached out and took me off the wall, I was finally LIBERATED! I am looking forward to my new home.   

Would You Be Willing To Report A Family Member For Financial Elder Abuse?

by Carolyn Rosenblatt, Contributor, Forbes.com (11/18/2014)

It would take some nerve to report an abusive family member to law enforcement. We also know from the National Center on Elder Abuse that most abusers are family members. And they tell us that only 44 out of 1000 instances of abuse are reported to authorities. Why aren’t more cases reported to the very authorities capable of stopping the abusers?

It seems to me that most family members are simply unwilling to “rat out” another family member even when they know that abuse is going on. When it comes to the elders themselves, there is shame and embarrassment with being taken advantage of by someone close, and someone they really trusted, a grown child perhaps. They hesitate. They are fearful. They want to talk about it but not do anything about it. And the reluctance to report the abuse to Adult Protective Services is not limited to the elders who can’t bear to call the authorities about a son, daughter or other relative.

I received a call from a distressed sister,  convinced that her older brother was stealing from their parents. He had total control over their parents, one of whom had dementia.  He had been appointed by his parents as the agent on both the Durable Power of Attorney and the Advance Healthcare Directive.  This gave him the legal authority to make both financial decisions without being accountable to anyone else and all healthcare decisions as well.  I listened patiently to all the reasons she thought her brother was taking her parents’ money and using it for himself.  I asked her if she had called Adult Protective Services.” No”, she said.  When I asked why not she said “I don’t want to get my brother in trouble”.  Where is the logic in that?

In another case, the elder herself had called. “I gave my grandson a big loan and he hasn’t paid it back” she said.  “And now I need the money to live on”.  She described how her favorite grandson had taken title to her mobile home and gotten a loan, even after she had “loaned” him most of her savings.  I explained that her chances of getting paid back were probably not very good, but the least she could do was to report what had happened to authorities. I advised her that taking a “loan” from an 80 year old and not paying it back would likely be considered elder abuse and it should be reported to APS.  ”Would my grandson go to jail?” she asked.  I told her I didn’t know but it can happen when someone has committed this crime of elder abuse.  She said, “I don’t want my grandson to go to jail”.  And I am sure she did not follow up or do anything more about the problem, even though she was at risk for homelessness.

Elders like the 80 year old woman are typical of why elder abuse does not get reported and therefore prosecuted more often, even when a family member is well aware of it and aware that it is wrong.  They would rather suffer impoverishment than be the one to report abuse. In fact, these same victims may refuse to testify against a relative who has abused them, even when these cases are prosecuted.  Charges may not stick when the victim is unwilling to testify, unless there are independent records to prove the case in court.

It is as much a problem of our emotions and fears as it is of the wrongdoing itself. We somehow justify the actions, we look the other way or we fear what the justice system will do to our abusive relative.  We must stop giving thieves a pass.

I ask, where is the anger at a crime against a person who is easily taken advantage of by the abuser?  Where is the advocacy for the vulnerable elder?  Why are we remaining silent so often  in this growing, $2.9 billion dollar a year problem? At AgingParents.com I am only one voice. I do what I can to educate, to encourage reporting, and occasionally to report elder abuse myself.  We need more allies.

I would be willing to guess that there is someone reading this who has a financial abuser in the family or knows of a family where this has taken place.  I urge you to speak up.  To my knowledge, you can remain anonymous in your reporting, just as you can with any crime. Most elder abuse hotlines are staffed 24/7.  Whether or not the criminal justice system can prove the crime is not your problem.  It is your problem to know about the abuse and to do nothing.  One day it could be you who is victimized.

We are all encountering an aging population and the crime of opportunity in ripping off elders is not going away.  I am hopeful that we will show enough concern, enough responsibility and enough guts to do the right thing when we see a wrong that needs our attention.  Every hand is needed to help, even yours.

Financial Elder Abuse: The Crime of the 21st Century

by Stephen L. Read, MD Financial elder abuse has been called “the crime of the 21st century,”6 and with good reason. The most recent estimate of total household wealth in the US is $85.7 trillion, which represents more than 30% of world wealth. Estimates of the amount to change by inheritance in the coming decades reach as high as $40 trillion. Therefore, not only is the disposition of a person’s estate, by will and/or trust, the largest financial transaction in many persons’ lives, and of great significance to families and other heirs, the integrity of the testamentary act, as well as the validity of gifts, property transfers, and other financial acts, is also important for society at large. Opinions about testamentary capacity, either postmortem (in a contested situation) or antemortem may be requested by the family, the patient, or the attorney. Familiarity with the criteria for testamentary capacity and factors relevant to the vulnerability to undue influence is therefore basic. CASE VIGNETTE After his wife’s death 20 years earlier, Dr S named 2 of his daughters co-trustees of his trust. As he continued professional activities, he had come to rely on the youngest to assist with his office, and then his home bills. When he retired after a stroke, she and her family came to live with him—and take care of him. Six months before the initial psychiatric evaluation, the other co-trustee daughter was shocked to learn that the assets of the trust had been reduced from several million dollars to less than $100. She confronted her sister and informed her other siblings. Conservatorship was granted by the court, and the experienced professional conservator decided that Dr S had to be removed from his long-time home for his own safety. Dr S was placed in a nursing home because of his physical debilitation. During the initial forensic psychiatric consultation, Dr S was thoughtful and dignified, but with mild cognitive impairment due to early dementia, probably vascular-based. He was receiving physical therapy, but he had no insight into his youngest daughter’s responsibility for his deterioration, and he was unaware of her financial rapacity: he still endorsed her as his surrogate decision maker. As Dr S improved physically, he regained some mental energy. His defense of his daughter foundered as the discovery process related to the conservatorship revealed her long pattern of stripping assets: purchasing property in other countries, buying gold ingots, and other patently deceptive acts. An epiphany occurred in a later session—he recalled that as he had weakened, he could not climb the stairs to his bedroom, and the daughter and her family would step over him as he lay exhausted on the landing! As he reflected on the meaning of that act, he came to realize how low her regard and concern had become. This description also proved to be impressive to the court. At the hearing on competing petitions for conservatorship, the court decisively rebuked the abusive daughter and directed the district attorney to file criminal charges. Dr S was not vindictive, but neither did he continue to defend her; the psychiatrist attributed his equanimity to muted emotionality as a result of his vascular brain damage. Dr S was not called to testify, but the daughter and her husband were stripped of all the acquired assets, together with additional financial penalties, and served time in prison for elder abuse. In summary, Dr S was the victim of physical neglect and abuse (he had lost 50 lb in 3 years), psychological tyranny and, of course, dramatic financial exploitation, presumably the major motivation for the daughter’s campaign (possibly with the additional benefit of being revenged on siblings of whom she had long been envious). This case illustrates several points to consider in assessments of elder abuse. Read more at: Psychiatric Times, 01-11-2016

Elder Financial Exploitation

I had never heard of the term "Elder Financial Exploitation" under just recently. Here is some information from the National Adult Protective Services Association.

• Financial exploitation is a fast-growing form of abuse of seniors and adults with disabilities. Situations of financial exploitation commonly involve trusted persons in the life of the vulnerable adult such as: caretakers, family members, friends and acquaintenances, attorneys. 
• 90% of abusers are family members or trusted others
• Elder-abuse is vastly under-reported; only one in 44 cases of financial abuse is ever reported.
• Conitive impairment and the need for help with activities of daily living makes victims more vulnerable to financial abuse.

For more information see: 

National Committee for the Prevention of Elder Abuse

Financial Abuse
Elder financial abuse spans a broad spectrum of conduct, including:

• Taking money or property
• Forging an older person's signature
• Getting an older person to sign a deed, will, or power of attorney through deception, coercion, or undue influence
• Using the older person's property or possessions without permission
• Promising lifelong care in exchange for money or property and not following through on the promise
• Confidence crimes ("cons") are the use of deception to gain victims' confidence Scams are fraudulent or deceptive acts
• Fraud is the use of deception, trickery, false pretence, or dishonest acts or statements for financial gain
• Telemarketing scams. Perpetrators call victims and use deception, scare tactics, or exaggerated claims to get them to send money. They may also make charges against victims' credit cards without authorization

Who are the perpetrators?
Family members, including sons, daughters, grandchildren, or spouses. They may:

• Have substance abuse, gambling, or financial problems
• Stand to inherit and feel justified in taking what they believe is "almost" or "rightfully" theirs
• Fear that their older family member will get sick and use up their savings, depriving the abuser of an inheritance
• Have had a negative relationship with the older person and feel a sense of "entitlement"
• Have negative feelings toward siblings or other family members whom they want to prevent from acquiring or inheriting the older person's assets

[Read More]

Financial exploitation is a fast-growing form of elder abuse

A number of years ago, one of the investment advisors at the bank befriended my mother and got her to a large sum of cash out of her account at one institution to her local bank. While the bank advisor might have had good intentions, my mother was not mentally competent to make that decision. The investment advisor some how had her convinced that she in order to get her affairs in order, transferring the money was a good idea. It was unfortunate but my mother did not tell me until after it was done. I would like to see some legislation in this area that further protects seniors from this. Here is a recent article from the Chicago Tribune on finanical elder abuse: Financial exploitation is a fast-growing form of elder abuse It's one thing for a confused senior to make a mistake in trusting the wrong person -- or falling for the "free lunch" deals. But the problem of taking advantage of seniors rises to another level when investment ignorance is supplanted by actual financial elder abuse. Over the years I've written several columns about the fast-growing problem of elder financial abuse. It happens even to those who have concerned family members. Their adult children are afraid to discuss the issues of estate planning and budgeting and bill payment with their aging parents. As a result, many seniors send their money to online ministries or are victimized by home repair scams or all sorts of other fraudulent activities. [Read More]